This Christmas

This year was probably the brokest I can remember in my adult life. It turned out to be the richest christmas ever!! It all started on the 23rd we met at my brother Eds house. He and his new wife put on a really nice dinner with shishkabobs and potato salad. It was also a celebration of my nephew Jeremy's 19th birthday. The whole family was there! Everyone who lives in Florida was there. And there was not even one argument! Everyone got along and we all had a great time! The only snafu came in the form of my daughter in law and although her behavior kind of embarrassed me and my son no one else seemed to mind so no harm no foul. What she did was go to McDonalds and come back with a big mac meal after my sister in law had taken all day to prepare such a great feast. I would have been offended. But everyone else just took it in stride! Now we have a new memory to bring us smiles and joy!

On the 24th we had Christmas eve celebration at my house. We do a gift exchange where we pick a number then a gift but if someone else wants your gift they are eligible to "Steal" it and give you thiers. This always is alot of fun! We played the Nativity Story and ate alot of good food. I even made just one batch of my Santas Private Stock Kaluha every one was so happy because I have not made this recipe in years. Again my whole family gathered together with no arguments. I did not buy gifts for anyone but my grandchildren and all they got was a movie. Cody got Kung Fu Panda and Dalton got Horton Hears A Who. Although the giving was not what I am ususally able to do NOONE even cared. We really just enjoyed being together. It was GREAT. I have been praying for this for so long I feel it was my heavenly Fathers bonus gift to me.
On Christmas day we had a turkey not every one came but the ones who did had a good meal. This was the best christmas ever!

Oh yeah and I got a new coffee pot!!

Tur-duc-hen

Last year we started a new tradition on Christmas Eve...the Tur-duc-hen. It was a fun and festive addition to our yearly get together that brought us a lot of laughs and it tasted good. As we near another Christmas Eve and we go through the yearly traditions I am reminded about what is important in life. God,Family and good friends. I wear alot of hats throughout the year mother, sister, daughter,nana and friend I dont wear any of them as well as I would like to. I am not the best mother I wish I had bought my son those red polyester pants he wanted so bad when he was 5 he even cried over the darn things but I said "no you will look foolish" I wish I had bought them then I could have the memory of the smile that they gave him instead of the tears of disappointment. I wish I had told my daughter more often that she was beautiful so she would always see herself as the beautiful woman I see instead of having insecurities. I wish I had spent more time teaching my sister the importance of being true to yourself and that I had not said such mean things to my mother when I was an angry teenager. I wish I made more time for my friends and told them more how much they mean to me. Somethings that have happened this year have made me look at myself and see so much disappointment in me. So many shortfalls so many negative qualities. When I feel this way I should turn to God who loves me but I don't I turn to the whiskey that medicates me then I have something else to beat the heck out of myself with. But this year as I was making cookies with my granddaughter we had the music playing in the background and she was doing her best to make sure we had the best looking cookies ever God spoke to me. He told me it is okay to be me. It is okay to not be as perfect as I think I should be. It is okay to fall as long as I get up and carry on. I am okay. Every year my family gathers around me and we have Christmas eve together we celebrate the birth of Jesus and we celebrate each other. With all of our flaws and inadequacies. And we love each other. And that is what is important. Traditions are important. Passing it down and on and making memories. Like the first Christmas Eve Tur-Duc-Hen a new tradition and hours of laughs that we will not forget.

Merry Christmas

HEY STU

Mr. Stewart Pidasso called again today. He hates to be called Stewart he wants to be called Stu. If you know a Stu Pidasso please tell him to stay away from me!

Thanks for your help with this situation

Kindness Matters

So much has happened since my last post. So much I wanted to share. But there has been one horrible tragedy that is the only thing on my mind. My sisters ex boyfriend Greg took his own life in the early morning hours of Saturday 11/29. He was pronounced dead at 4:30 a.m. The circumstances that surrounded his death are indeed tragic. Greg and my sister lived together for over 9 years. Greg had always been a drinker but in the past couple of years his drinking has grown to be more of a problem. To make a long story short in July/ Aug. this year my sister broke it off with him but allowed him to stay in the house until he could afford to move. He slept on the couch and refused to let the relationship go. In hindsite she should have probably just thrown him out. But she did not want to be percieved as the "bad guy".

I love my sister very much and I did not like the way Greg treated her and I let him know it.

I am a christian. I am suppose to show the love of God to all people. I have prayed to be a better person and to not let my words hurt anyone. My last words to Greg not even 30 minutes before his death were " you are a piece of shit and you don't deserve my sister" Yes there were alot of words exchanged and Greg said some horrible things... But I am the christian. I know better. Sure I performed CPR and tried to be helpful.. when it was too late apparently.

I wish I had put my arms around him and asked him why he was so angry. Asked him what I could do to help ease his pain. I wish I had said something that could have comforted his tortured soul. I wish I had just stood still and prayed to God for peace to take over. I wish I had followed him into the garage and asked to pray with him or asked if he just wanted to talk. I wish I could just live that night over and changed the outcome. I wish I could remember what he looked like when he was alive instead of seeing his face as I undid the noose to try to give him CPR. I wish I had told him that I did care about him I just did not like the way he treated my sister. I wish I could remove my sisters pain as well as her sons pain. I wish I had not called my brother that night so he would not have the memories he has. Most of all I wish I could change the last words I ever said to him. I wish my last words to him were " Greg this is all going to be okay. Jesus loves you and he will give you peace. How can I help you?"

My prayer today is that people will change the way we treat each other. That never again will my last words to someone be mean. That words that come out of my mouth will always be uplifting. I pray that God will forgive me for letting my tongue cause any pain. I know that what he did was his choice. I know he did it to himself. I also know that sometimes just a kind word or a smile can change tone of a persons day.

KINDNESS MATTERS!!!!!!

I know that God was in that garage with Greg when he died. I know he was grieving over the pain his child was feeling and I know Satan was there cheering him on feeding into his depression.

I know we all have choices to make. I pray that I remember to choose KINDNESS in all situations.