Kindness Matters

So much has happened since my last post. So much I wanted to share. But there has been one horrible tragedy that is the only thing on my mind. My sisters ex boyfriend Greg took his own life in the early morning hours of Saturday 11/29. He was pronounced dead at 4:30 a.m. The circumstances that surrounded his death are indeed tragic. Greg and my sister lived together for over 9 years. Greg had always been a drinker but in the past couple of years his drinking has grown to be more of a problem. To make a long story short in July/ Aug. this year my sister broke it off with him but allowed him to stay in the house until he could afford to move. He slept on the couch and refused to let the relationship go. In hindsite she should have probably just thrown him out. But she did not want to be percieved as the "bad guy".

I love my sister very much and I did not like the way Greg treated her and I let him know it.

I am a christian. I am suppose to show the love of God to all people. I have prayed to be a better person and to not let my words hurt anyone. My last words to Greg not even 30 minutes before his death were " you are a piece of shit and you don't deserve my sister" Yes there were alot of words exchanged and Greg said some horrible things... But I am the christian. I know better. Sure I performed CPR and tried to be helpful.. when it was too late apparently.

I wish I had put my arms around him and asked him why he was so angry. Asked him what I could do to help ease his pain. I wish I had said something that could have comforted his tortured soul. I wish I had just stood still and prayed to God for peace to take over. I wish I had followed him into the garage and asked to pray with him or asked if he just wanted to talk. I wish I could just live that night over and changed the outcome. I wish I could remember what he looked like when he was alive instead of seeing his face as I undid the noose to try to give him CPR. I wish I had told him that I did care about him I just did not like the way he treated my sister. I wish I could remove my sisters pain as well as her sons pain. I wish I had not called my brother that night so he would not have the memories he has. Most of all I wish I could change the last words I ever said to him. I wish my last words to him were " Greg this is all going to be okay. Jesus loves you and he will give you peace. How can I help you?"

My prayer today is that people will change the way we treat each other. That never again will my last words to someone be mean. That words that come out of my mouth will always be uplifting. I pray that God will forgive me for letting my tongue cause any pain. I know that what he did was his choice. I know he did it to himself. I also know that sometimes just a kind word or a smile can change tone of a persons day.

KINDNESS MATTERS!!!!!!

I know that God was in that garage with Greg when he died. I know he was grieving over the pain his child was feeling and I know Satan was there cheering him on feeding into his depression.

I know we all have choices to make. I pray that I remember to choose KINDNESS in all situations.